Realizations sometimes bring sadness

I'm sad. I'm crying as I type this. I always try to see the glass half full and stay positive most of the time but tonight I'm just sad. I'm going to allow myself to sit with the feeling in order to process through it. I think most of my sadness is coming from two things. Number one, I can no longer breast feed my sweet boy. I know, he'll be fine, we've bonded, he can get his nutrition other ways...blah, blah, blah. I've never felt this kind of sadness, disappointment, failure...there are so many emotions. When I found out I was pregnant there were two things I wanted more than anything. One was to have a natural, un-medicated birth and the other was to nurse my baby until he was at least a year old. I didn't get to do either one of those things and that just sucks. I am thankful I was able to nurse Landon for the first 3 months, even if he got minimal milk from me. I know I gave him a good start and now all I can do is make the best decisions for his nutrition from now on. I am glad we got those 3 months together. It doesn't make my sadness any less right now though. The other reason I'm sad is because tomorrow I will leave my baby at home with a sitter. Although he spent last Thursday with my niece Abi, this will be the first official time I go to work knowing he's at home with a sitter. I thought, "I'll be fine. He'll be in good hands and at home in his own environment." I was wrong. Tonight as I sang his special song and rocked him to sleep I cried. I didn't want to put him in his crib. I just wanted to keep him in my arms. The logical side of me says, "Don't be silly, it's just for the day." But my heart and emotional side says, "You're going to be away from him for an entire day." I know he will be well taken care of. I just feel sad. I never expected this to be so hard. I want to go in to his room right now, pick him up and hold him. But that's selfish. I know I should let him be and get his rest. I am saying prayers right now that God will bring me strength. I ask that you all include me in your prayers as well. I know I'll be alright. After all, I will wake up to a darling baby boy. And even if I do have to leave him for the day, I'll get to come home to his amazing smile. Thank you God for my many blessings.