Boo Hoo Hoo.

I make huge efforts to remain positive and not complain. However, this day has not been an easy one. Landon's labs didn't come back as well as we expected. I don't want to go in to too much detail but I will say his inflammation is up again. UGH! They stuck him 5 times before finally getting an IV line for his infusion. I kept having flash backs to last year and our hospital stay. He was crying. I was crying. As they were holding him down today, he kept saying, "I want Mommy. I want Daddy. I want to hug and kiss Mommy." Talk about heartbreaking.

Being at Children's Mercy at this time of year brought up a whole bunch of emotions. When they told us his lab results I wanted to get the hell out of there as quick as possible. I wanted to run away and just go home. Rough freakin' day.

As I was crying earlier, Landon asked what was wrong. I told him I was just a little bit sad but I would be ok. An hour or so later, out of the blue, he gave me a big hug and kiss. Then he said, "I just love you, Mommy. You don't have to cry, Mommy. I love you, Mommy." Yes, I did tear up all over again!

There was good stuff in our day too. We slept in a little bit and cuddled a lot. Also, we were able to take a care package to a family whose baby just had open heart surgery. Then we got to see some of the nurses who took such great care of us a year ago. They all remembered Landon and were very happy to see us. It was incredibly sweet. Oh! His hemoglobin is still good so that's definitely positive!

I am going to try to get back to my happy place. I have to remember that Landon is still healing. He was a very sick little boy and it will take time. Blah, blah, blah. For real though, right now I am frickin' pissed off. I don't want Landon to have to deal with this. It doesn't seem fair. I want him to be completely healthy and well.

This too shall pass. Tomorrow is a new day. I am exhausted and hope a good night of rest will snap me back to where I need to be.