I'm Still Here.

What's up, Party People?!

I'm still alive! I haven't written a post since 2/22/2015, when I told you a little bit about some fun, crazy, totally life saving stuff we did with Landon in Portland! You can read all about that by clicking here. But, if you're at all grossed out by poop, or offended by a curse word or two, proceed with caution. If you're fascinated by the amazing things our bodies are capable of, totally go check out that post. It was written at a time my emotions were real and raw.

I have no idea why I decided to pop over to my blog today, but I felt a nudge, so here I am. I've missed writing. A lot. The truth is, I've been busy living and haven't taken the time to sit down and do it. 

So, what's new in the last 3 and a half years? Everything and nothing. 

Our baby boy is now an incredibly healthy, happy, tiny man! Here we are at his third grade music program last week. I mean, can you even believe how grown this kid is? Neither can we! In case you were wondering, his gut is completely healed. HEALED! He's been medication free for 4 years. This is huge! He recovered from something doctors told us wasn't possible. What a miracle our boy is. He has some food allergies, which are no big deal to us, considering all he's been through. He's still totally freaking amazing in every single way and we are forever thankful because we get to be his parents. He's our greatest blessing. 

I will celebrate 20 years with my job next month. Twenty. Freaking. Years. Am I even that old? It seems crazy to think I've worked there for that long. I am incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful employer, coworker, and awesome environment to be in each day. Scott celebrated 11 years at his job recently and he's still a baseball nut, umpiring during the Spring and Summer seasons.

A few years ago I accidentally started my own business. Yep. I began using Young Living products and loved them so much, I couldn't help but share the benefits with others. Now, I am blessed with a whole team of people who are running like crazy, sharing their passion with everyone they love, too! 

I'm a college student again. I've wanted to go back and complete my degree for a long time, but I've allowed fear to hold me back. This year I've focused in on doing the things that scare me. So here I am, working full time, running a business, being a Mama and wife, and taking 9 credit hours. It's been challenging but I'm truly grateful for the opportunity. 

I started running in March. Well, that's not entirely true. I started going to the gym and walking in March, which slowly turned in to me taking up running. Watching my body change and respond in a positive way has been eye opening. It's allowed me to realize I have a lot more potential to harness. I have one life and I need to make the most of it. I've been slacking on my workouts for the last month, but I'm getting back to it tomorrow. In the last 2 years I released 45 pounds. In the last 6 months 10 of that has found its way back. It's time to get serious again.

We have struggled with infertility. A lot. We have gone through numerous rounds of fertility treatments, praying for God to bless us with another baby. It was exhausting, taxing on my body, draining on our marriage, and something I never want anyone to experience. We are in the midst of considering trying again. I'm not sure I am ready to go through the heartache, yet I yearn to carry a baby, and to give Landon a sibling. It's something he wants, too. We all do.  

Foster care has been on our hearts for the last couple of years. We have had more serious conversations over the last year, and have decided to move forward. We have steps to take before this will happen, but we hope to make it all a reality. Knowing we can impact the lives of kids in a positive way is a beautiful thing. Foster care isn't something we take lightly, which is why we have prayed about it and given it so much thoughtful consideration. We are listening to those still small voices and God winks.

I am hoping to make this blog more active, writing about everything I just told you about, as it unfolds in the perfect timing for our family.

I do a lot on Instagram these days. It's fun and a great way to connect with people. I'm @oilyleslee. Come on over and hang with me there! 

Portland, Poop, and Unconditional Love.

Yeah, today was a day.

Landon is coming off a week of being sick. It started with a stomach bug, then went in to sinus/respiratory/coughing crud. 

I'm super happy to have him well. Truly. I have to say, the adjusting back to real life has been somewhat challenging today. That boy has some serious sass in him. Couple that sass with a strong will like nobody I've ever met. Whew. 

There were time outs today. Tears. Fits. Screaming. 

He even fell asleep in time out, because he's that stubborn. 

I made a dinner I didn't even eat, because I had no appetite after being yelled at by a 4 year old dictator. Then, that tiny bi-polar dictator, began to tell me how I made the most delicious rice, and the best carrots he's ever tasted, and that cauliflower was just oh so good. *sigh*

So yeah, it was stressful. I decided that I would be having ice cream for dinner, after the kid went to sleep, because I'm a grown up and all. And because, dammit, I want it.

Then, just like that, it was time for bed. Landon was back to being sweet and compliant; jammies on, teeth brushed, smile on his face. He chose a few books and crawled up in to my lap, settling in his cozy spot on my left side, where he always sits. His head resting just below my shoulder, blanket and froggy in hand. I read to him, silently reminding myself just how precious this time is. Then, he wanted songs, so we turned out the lights and I sang. As I was about halfway through Somewhere Over the Rainbow, his breathing changed, and I knew he had drifted off to sleep. I finished the song, cradling him in my arms. Then it hit, I realized what day it is. The day 3 years ago, he and I flew 1748 miles to Portland, OR in hopes of healing his little body. 

You see, I'm very much an in the moment kind of girl. I tend to not dwell on the past, or think too far in to the future. Sure, I have dreams and goals, I just choose to soak up the moments I'm currently in, good or not so enjoyable. When we were in Portland, I had dreams of where I wanted Landon to be in the future, but I was very much present where we were.

Tonight, as I held my healthy son, remembering where we've been, I began to weep. I pulled him in tight and hugged his little body next to mine. And cried. I let those tears flow. I held him for a while. Then I carried him to bed, laid him down, and cried some more, as I gently stroked his hair, whispering 'I love you' over and over again. 

The trip to Portland changed me. Scott had already missed so much work, that he was unable to accompany me. I remember arriving at PDX, with Landon strapped to the front of my body, fighting with 2 large checked bags, a carry on pack on my back, my purse, his car seat, and a diaper bag. Not one person stopped or offered to help me. Landon said 'shit' for the first time that day. I walked through that airport, fiercely on a mission. I had this. Fuck all those people who couldn't be bothered to even look at the mom by herself, struggling with everything, and her baby, who needed a diaper change for the 8th time today, because he had just soiled his pants with the stench of another bowel movement full of blood. It was the most alone I've probably felt in my entire life. It was a kind of stress I had never experienced previously or since. When we were hospitalized with Landon, it was lonely emotionally at times, feeling like I couldn't properly communicate to others what I was dealing with. But, we had visitors, family, friends, nurses, doctors. Many people in our presence each day. In Portland, it was just Landon and I. In a hotel room. He was hopped up on steroids and having fits of rage. The kind where his eyes would go blank and I knew my son wasn't in there, until the rage lifted. I was alone. At one point, he raged for over 4 hours. We were in a hotel, with very thin walls. I tried everything I could think of to help calm him, all the while he was physically attacking me, biting, hitting, kicking, not even realizing what he was doing. There was a point I curled up in a ball in the fetal position, praying for patience, for him to calm down, for him to be healed. Finally, I put him in to our rental car and drove around downtown Portland in rush hour traffic, while he thrashed around, screaming in his car seat. After about an hour and 45 minutes of driving, he finally calmed down. We had been there for 4 days at that point. My sister flew out the next morning to spend the remaining 2 days with us. I'm not sure how I would have survived without her. Remembering those times, make me realize today was just a blip. I AM thankful for where we are. Believe it or not, I am also thankful for where we've been.

Pretending to talk on the phone, passing the time in our hotel room. I love those baby blues.

He spent a lot of time standing on that chair, watching the traffic and trains pass by.

I packed toys and books and made him play on the bed because his immune system was whacked and I didn't want him on the hotel room floor. Gross.

We shared a king size bed. 

Snuggling with Aunt Shannon on the night of her arrival. We both needed her, even more than we realized at the time.

Post shower. Our hotel didn't have bathtub, and he was terrified of showers at the time. He only got cleaned in that thing twice the whole trip.

We tried to get out and do some fun stuff. Here's Landon at Powell's bookstore. We went there several times.

This was taken after a particularly difficult day. You know, the one where the 4+ hour 'roid rage fit happened.

The night we arrived, we did our first round of fecal transplant, with Dr. Mark Davis. Never in a million years did I picture myself standing in a hotel bathroom, with a doctor I had consulted with via phone and Skype, yet just met in person, stirring my own feces. I certainly didn't imagine putting that slurry in to my son. But you know what? When your kid is sick, you will do nearly anything to cure them. We did this every night, and continued for several weeks after returning home.
  

This here is what we refer to as fecal slurry. It's feces blended with sterile saline, being finely filtered, to make it smooth.

There weren't many people who knew what we were doing in Portland. Of those who did know, most were supportive, if not a bit hesitant. I know a couple who thought we were completely crazy. I intuitively knew we were supposed to be there. That knowing is what pulled me thought the roughest days. I nearly got creamed by a car while I was parked in a lot. I saw it coming at me and threw our compact rental in to drive at the last second! I also had an odd sense of familiarity every where we went. Like, I'd been there before. Although, that was my first time. There were many moments we would be somewhere, doing something, and I would realize I had a dream about the exact scenario in the months leading up to our trip. There's no doubt there were angels among us.

Tonight is the first time I've ever really written about Portland. I haven't ever felt ready to write about it, until now. It's weird how that happens. This post is just a peek into our 6 days there. I hope one day to be able to sit down and write a lot more. 

THIS is our today.

We ventured out to see a movie, on this snowy day. 

I am lucky. I have a husband who loves and supports me. I have an extended family who would move mountains for me. I have friends who get it and love me for who I am. I have an amazing, brave, strong, healthy son.

I will leave you with this. 

Snow Day!

We got our first snow today. 

The boys had fun.

I'll let the pictures do the talking. 

Snacks

This year I am attempting to pack snacks for Landon's school days that are similar to what his friends are having. Thus far, I pretty much check the calendar the night before or during our morning frenzy and throw something in his back. Today, I decided to get organized and put things together for the whole week. Yeah, am I totally amazing or what?! *note the sarcasm*

Anywhoo, maybe this will help others in our situation. I'm certain having the week planned out will make our week easier. 

Yes, I realize this is all processed stuff. I do feel good knowing the ingredients and that said ingredients are minimal. 

So, tell me, what types of snacks do you pack for your kids? Does their school provide them? 

First Day of Pre-K

Today was Landon's first day of Pre-K. You may remember from last year, I was a hot mess when he had orientation and again when he started Preschool. This year, I have to say, it was much easier. He is at the same school and has the same teacher, which definitely lessens my anxiety. As a matter of fact, I don't have any anxiety this year. I know he will be well cared for, and they will respect his food restrictions. They know the drill. 

It was a stress free morning. He popped right out of bed, got dressed and ate breakfast. As I was giving his vitamins, I also gave him a dose of Rescue Remedy, to help ensure we had an easy time getting ready. I prepared him last night, by telling him what we would need to do when he woke up. I had his outfit prepared so he could get dressed on his own. One funny thing, I had chosen a super cute button down shirt for him. He took one look at it and said, "I am NOT wearing that! It isn't even cute!" SO, plan B on the shirt, which still seemed to work out fine. What a Diva! :)

We took a shit-ton few photos this morning. As you can see, he was super excited about his first day!

"Please Mother, for the love of all things normal, let's just stop with the photos!"

Maybe we were both a tad bit excited!

Here we are, ready to hit the road!

He's arrived at school!

He even humored me and posed for several photo's in his classroom! What a kid! 

Aaaannnnd....one last kiss for Mama!

He was a little bit clingy and wanted a lot of extra hugs and kisses. I was completely okay with that. Then, all of a sudden, he was ready and he walked over to his teacher. As I turned to leave, they were chatting away and I was all smiles. Proud. That's what I was in that moment. Once I got on the highway, the emotions hit me. I wasn't anxious like last year. I was simply feeling a tug at my heart because that kid of ours, he's growing up. Yes, I know, he's only four. This is just Pre-K. I know some of you have children that are entering elementary school, middle school, high school, college, and some are even totally grown up! This is still where I am though. I truly enjoy this parenting thing, even though there are days I'm sure I'm doing every thing completely wrong. Today, I'm giving thanks for this life I'm been entrusted with and feeling absolutely grateful to have him in a school with people Scott and I trust.

It's going to be a GREAT year! 

Good Mornings.

You know, last week, it was VBS at our church. It was Landon's first year attending and he had an absolute blast! The mornings getting him ready to leave the house, those were the opposite of having a blast. They were challenging.

Most of the mornings as we were getting ready, he resembled something like this. 

Look how much fun he had once he warmed up though! 

Today, this very morning. It was glorious. Truly. As I was getting ready for work, my sweet boy walked out of his room, still somewhat sleepy eyed, carrying his blanket and froggy. He was wearing a mis-matched set of Christmas jammies, because that's how we roll. Our cat, Louis, immediately ran to him and began rubbing his face on Landon's cheek. This is their morning routine. Often times, I hear Landon's bedroom door open, then shut right away. I know then, Louis has entered his room and they are having their snuggles. So, back to this morning. Landon was very happy and calm. He was doing his own thing while I finished getting ready for work. I heard him calling from the kitchen, "Mommy, don't you worry, I will get all of my vitamins ready today!" And he did. He pulled a chair up and proceeded to get everything down and organized, right down to the little cups I put his vitamins in. I know it may seem silly, but I was incredibly proud of him in that moment. He has always been good at taking what we give him. Today was different. This morning he took an active role in his health. He showed me he knows the importance of getting the proper nutrition and supplements in his body each day. That's HUGE! He's four.

We chatted as I prepared his breakfast. He decided he didn't want to be clothed, so there he stood in his birthday suit, talking about how many eggs he would like and then he insisted on cracking the eggs for me. What a helper! I finally coaxed him in to undies. He walked me out to the car, climbed in my lap and gave me hugs and kisses, as I sat in the drivers seat. This is our morning routine. He scurried back to the front porch, in nothing but his Flash undies, then turned with a smile and said, "I love you, Mommy. I'll be thinking about you and missing you all day." Then he ran back for one more hug. 

These mornings. This morning. It's what fuels me. The innocence of my sweet boy, makes me stop to fully enjoy the moment. 

Happy Thursday, Friends. I hope you're all able to take a few minutes today to stop and breathe, enjoying all the blessings surrounding you.

Happy 4th!

From our family to all of you, we truly hope you have a lovely holiday!

 

Take time to be silly. 

We are greatly appreciative of our freedoms! 

God Bless America!