Thursday, August 22, 2013

Preschool Orientation

We went to Landon's Preschool Orientation tonight.

Holy Hot Mess. 

In case you're wondering, I'm totally referring to myself in that last sentence. 

Some of you reading this probably think I'm a complete nut and others are nodding because you've experienced the same things with your own children.

I was emotional all day as I thought about taking him to his classroom for the first time. He has never been in any kind of setting like this. I mean, he goes to his class at our church but that's really it. Everyone there knows him, knows our situation and what we have been through with his health. I know everyone at our church. 

For the last 3 and a half years we have had complete control over what goes in to his body, what comes out, what he's taught, etc.

He needs preschool. I know he will love it and thrive in that setting. I have absolute certainty that we made the right decision to send him at this point in time. 

Why am I so emotional then?

Mostly, I think it's the realization that he's growing up right before our eyes. It's happening and there is not a damn thing we can do to slow it down. Also, I will no longer have control over everything when it comes to him. I have to relinquish that control and trust others to know the importance of our choices and to honor them in the same way we do.

I think about birthday parties. I will gladly bring a special treat for him on those days. I will make sure it's something special that he really loves. It makes me sad to think that he will always be different though. He will he that kid who is sitting at the table with a different treat. I don't want other kids to make fun of him.

I think about all of his dietary needs and pray he doesn't accidentally get fed something that may upset his system.

I think about me not being there to comfort him in those moments he's unsure or uncomfortable. I think about him not having Froggy in those moments too.

I know he will be okay. He will learn new coping skills. I get it. But dang, this life change is affecting me way more than I thought it would!

We arrived at his classroom, met his teacher, found his cubby...all the normal things. Scott and I needed to go to the parents meeting so I told Landon we would be back. He gave me a kiss, a smile and said, "O-tay Mommy. Have fun!" 

When we got to the parents meeting my friend Becca, who recommended this school to us, asked who Landon's teacher was. We told her and she said, "She's wonderful! She already knows about Landon because of all the prayers I asked for when he was sick. She has prayed for him many times." That was it. The dam broke and the tears flowed. Becca encouraged me to take the time to sit down with Landon's teacher and let her know my concerns. When the meeting ended, I did just that. She was incredibly understanding and kind. Just what I needed in that moment.

I am doing everything in my power to assure Landon has a "normal" life. This is just one step in many more to come.

SO, a week from today we have a trial run and he starts for real the week after Labor Day. I'm sure I'll be the crying Mom on both of those days too.    

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