Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Landon is doing so good! He's happy most of the time and rewards us with smiles on a very regular basis! He loves to sit in his bouncy seat and "talk" with us. He also loves when we read to him and his favorite books right now are Mortimer and The Pokey Little Puppy. I was reading Mortimer to him last week and he was on the verge of giggles! Speaking of giggles, he seems to save those for Daddy. Although, last week, he was sitting on Amber's (my co-worker) lap and I was talking to him and he giggled for me for the first time! So fun! He's started to kick and splash a lot during baths so we tried moving his little tub from the kitchen in to the big bath tub. Not fun. We did this for 2 nights in a row and he screamed! I'm not sure what it is that he doesn't like in there. I wonder if it's that he is so much further from me. In the kitchen sink he's right there close. Anyway...we decided to do away with baby tub in the big tub and try the kitchen sink alone. Wow what a difference! He loved it! So, it looks like bath time will be in the kitchen for a while. At least until he outgrows the sink. :-) July 26th was the first time Landon slept through the night (exactly 13 weeks old!) and he's kept it up. We woke up to our alarm on the 26th and Scott said to me, "He slept through the whole night!" We were both shocked, proud and, as you can imagine, refreshed! We have had a babysitter come to our house the last 2 weeks to be with Landon 2 days a week. It has gone really well! I'm adjusting to not being with him 24/7 and he seems to be doing just fine with me being away. Although, I have noticed he seems to want to be close to me more. That's just fine by me! Another thing he's started is not wanting to lay down to nap by himself on the weekends. He wants to be held. Again, just fine by me! I'm gonna hold him as much as I can because he will one day outgrow this phase. The way we see it, it isn't affecting his ability to sleep all night in his crib so what's the harm. Also, I'm away from him during the week so why not enjoy him all I can when I'm with him?!? Baby slings rock!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
I'm sad. I'm crying as I type this. I always try to see the glass half full and stay positive most of the time but tonight I'm just sad. I'm going to allow myself to sit with the feeling in order to process through it. I think most of my sadness is coming from two things. Number one, I can no longer breast feed my sweet boy. I know, he'll be fine, we've bonded, he can get his nutrition other ways...blah, blah, blah. I've never felt this kind of sadness, disappointment, failure...there are so many emotions. When I found out I was pregnant there were two things I wanted more than anything. One was to have a natural, un-medicated birth and the other was to nurse my baby until he was at least a year old. I didn't get to do either one of those things and that just sucks. I am thankful I was able to nurse Landon for the first 3 months, even if he got minimal milk from me. I know I gave him a good start and now all I can do is make the best decisions for his nutrition from now on. I am glad we got those 3 months together. It doesn't make my sadness any less right now though. The other reason I'm sad is because tomorrow I will leave my baby at home with a sitter. Although he spent last Thursday with my niece Abi, this will be the first official time I go to work knowing he's at home with a sitter. I thought, "I'll be fine. He'll be in good hands and at home in his own environment." I was wrong. Tonight as I sang his special song and rocked him to sleep I cried. I didn't want to put him in his crib. I just wanted to keep him in my arms. The logical side of me says, "Don't be silly, it's just for the day." But my heart and emotional side says, "You're going to be away from him for an entire day." I know he will be well taken care of. I just feel sad. I never expected this to be so hard. I want to go in to his room right now, pick him up and hold him. But that's selfish. I know I should let him be and get his rest. I am saying prayers right now that God will bring me strength. I ask that you all include me in your prayers as well. I know I'll be alright. After all, I will wake up to a darling baby boy. And even if I do have to leave him for the day, I'll get to come home to his amazing smile. Thank you God for my many blessings.