Old Stuff Made New

You know what I love? A good antique store, thrift shop, estate sale or garage sale find! There are so many treasures in these places. I'm mildly obsessed. 

I found this darling little shelf recently and it's perfect in the kitchen to house Landon's snacks. All within his reach so he can choose what he would like. Also, I love it because the inside is pink. :)

This bookshelf was another find. I am thinking of repainting it but for now it's just darling in our living room. 

I have a couple of other projects in the works and will post some before and after photos when I'm finished. 

Do you like to refinish and repaint old treasures? Tell me about one of your favorite projects!

Landon-ese

Here are a couple of comical scenarios with Boy Wonder from the last few days.

{After my Mom left our house the other day, Landon was watching her from our front picture window.}

Landon: "I want my froggy!" 

Me: "I think it's on the floor over there, Buddy."

Landon: "No, it's right there (pointing out the window). It was on the ground 2 seconds ago!"

I looked out the window and my Mom was carrying it back inside after picking it up out of the yard, obviously 2 seconds prior.

{As I was trying to get him dressed this morning to get out of the door for work}

Me: "Come on Landon, we need to get you dressed so we can go."

Landon: {runs away from me towards the living room}

Me: Seriously. If you want to Grandma's you will need to get dressed. It's your choice."

Landon: "I'm just getting my blanket, Mommy! CHILL OUT!"

Me: "Did you really just tell me to chill out?"

Landon: "Yes, chill out. I NEED my blanket." (as he saunters back to me, ready to get dressed)

Funny kid!

Photo Dump

Glow sticks in the bath. One of the easiest ways to get him clean!

Pad Thai made special to fit his dietary needs. Noodles and Co. rocks!

We went to a birthday party over the weekend for a very special one year old. Happy Birthday Baby Dexter! Landon had so much fun and the party was fabulous!

I got to have a little bit of fun with the best girlfriends on the planet!

Landon got to play in a tent in Grandma's back yard! Fun times!

Life is good!

Hot Mess House

My house. Look at that. 

It is a hot mess lately. 

I have friends who, when you drop in unexpected, have houses that are always clean. Not me. Nope. No way. Our house most definitely looks lived in. 

Lately, I've been overwhelmed with it. No matter what, it seems full and messy. All. The. Time. It's frustrating. I want the Cleaning Fairy to come over, like once a week. For real. Since that isn't likely to happen in my lifetime, I decided to tackle one small thing at a time. 

Our laundry is ridonkulously out of control. It's mostly clean, but also mostly in baskets. It's driving me crazy! I am putting a little away each evening after Landon is in bed. I refuse to take away from the precious few hours I get with him after work to do laundry. No Thank You. 

A little bit each day. That's my motto right now. I feel better every time I get a little something accomplished. Tonight, the towels got folded, thanks to the husband. :)

How do you deal when you get overwhelmed with every day tasks? Please tell me you get behind on house hold stuff too!

Extra Kisses AND Hugs.

Sometimes, after Landon is fast asleep, I go in to his room to peek at him. 

Sometimes, I make a little bit of noise, hoping he will wake, so I can have just one more hug.

Sometimes, like tonight, I'm quiet but still hope he wakes up so I can get that hug. 

Tonight, as I pulled the blanket back over his tiny little body, his eyes fluttered open. He looked right at me and sleepily said, "Hi Mommy." I gently stroked his hair and kissed his cheek. Lucky for me, he also needed to potty so I was able to lift him out of his bed and get that very special hug. He melted in to me and I soaked it up. 

I hope he always likes my hugs.

I hope he never stops giving me kisses. 

He is my angel, sent from above to challenge me to be a better person. He makes me want to go out in to the world and love more. He is such a special little being. I have a hard time even formulating the words to describe how deep my adoration for him runs. 

I am lucky and I am grateful. 

Brain Dump.

What a week! 

I've been reminded just how fortunate I am to have the love and support of my true, real friends and family. To the people who understand why I haven't been able to show up as much in the last 2 years and love me anyway. I say, Thank You. To those of you who can see past my faults and sometimes poor decisions of words or actions. I again say, Thank You. God knows I am far from perfect! To my husband, who loves me even in the moments I am less than lovable. Thank You, My Darling. You are my biggest supporter. 

My journey with finding lasting healing for Landon, while still maintaining a career, jumping in head first to help run The Love 4 Landon Foundation, managing a household, making efforts to keep friendship's alive, having a loving relationship with my husband AND finding a tiny bit of time for ME has not been easy. As a matter of fact, it's been the hardest thing I have ever been through. 

Landon truly is doing well. I'm thankful every single day we wake up for the healing he's found. It doesn't stop the chatter in my head though. When you are a parent of a child with a chronic illness, you never really relax. It's a balancing act of remaining optimistic while still being aware of watching for any kind of sign or symptom returning.  

Every single day I think about his poop. Has he pooped yet? How many times has he pooped today? Were they normal? Were they soft? Did they smell different? Was there any mucus present? Is he more gassy than usual? What does his color look like? Is this rash related to his medication or is it a normal kid rash? Is his tummy distended? Are his lips pale? Is he lethargic? Does he seem to have his normal energy level? Is he grumpy because his tummy hurts or is it just normal 3 year old grumpiness? What will I do if symptoms return? Am I ready to delve in and do FMT again? I think of these things every single day. When I am at work, I even text my Mom (who is with him on the days I can't be) inquiring about his poop. Luckily, she gives me good details and sets my mind at ease. Thanks Mom!

Often times people see Landon now and assume he's all well and healed. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase "I'm sure he'll grow out of this!" or "He looks so good! I know he will be just fine." You know what? No. He won't grow out of it. This is an autoimmune issue. It isn't something he will ever outgrow. We hope to have him symptom free for many years but with something like this, the future is undetermined. You know what else? There is no way you can know he will be just fine because we don't even know that! Please, if you're reading this and have a friend or family member with an autoimmune issue, don't ever say these words to them. For those of us going through this every day, those words are very hurtful. It absolutely diminishes the trails and difficulties we are faced with on a regular basis. 

I'm an optimist by nature, I used to even be a bit of a Pollyanna. Now, I consider myself to be optimistically real. I understand on a much deeper level the road ahead. I'm ready for it and I will face it head on. Scott will face it with me and we will always advocate for our son. Together, we will make sure he always has what he needs, nutritionally, medically, spiritually and otherwise. 

I understand now why people who have a child with health issues or other special considerations often times end up in front of a judge seeking a divorce. Things like this can absolutely tear you apart as a couple. You don't have any time for each other because you are both 100% focused on your child. Your relationship is pushed to the brink, emotionally, physically, intimately. You stop talking and connecting. Sex. What is that? Those are the facts, as ugly and frightening at it may be. Luckily, for Scott and I, we weathered it. It was difficult to say the least. It still isn't easy but it's a whole lot better than it was a year ago. We are connected again and we do love each other dearly. We are committed to one another, to our son and to our marriage. 

Through this process, I've definitely found out who my friends (which includes my wonderful family members!) are. Some are people I speak to daily, some only monthly and some are people through Facebook who I never or rarely see in person. For all of you who have been there for me, for Scott and for Landon, THANK YOU! Seriously. Every time you ask me how Landon is doing, or how I am coping through all of this, it sends a warm feeling throughout my entire body. I would not be in the place I am today without your constant love, support and understanding. 

Friendship sometimes means different things to different people. To me, it doesn't mean you have to hang out all the time, speak daily or even monthly. I believe this definition from dictionary.com sums it up perfectly:

friend

  

noun

1.

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.

3.

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.

I hope this post doesn't come off as negative, as that is not my intention. I just wanted to give you all a small glimpse in to my life. I AM grateful, every single day, for my husband, for Landon, for my family, for my friends, for my job, for the air I breathe. Sometimes, I even think about the person who built my desk and I send forth gratitude for them, whoever it was. I choose happiness, love, contentment and goodness for my life. Sometimes, you just need to get stuff off your chest. 

Some really cool things have happened in the last couple of weeks as well. I will write about those in another post because they are so great they deserve to shine on their own! 

I love you all! Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. 

Landon-ese.

"You have to check yourself before you wreck yourself, Daddy."

{While on the potty} "I'm just in here droppin' a deuce!"

{While holding a toy parking sign with the letter P on it} "We don't say pee, we say potty. This is the number P. Pee, pee, pee. It's the number P. Pee Mommy. It's Pee. Pee, pee, pee. We can say the number P."

"Ouch! I hurt my bottom! Kiss my bottom!" {Did he really just tell me to kiss his butt?!}

"Seriously, don't be so dramatic."

"Chop, chop! Time is money!"

Phone Photo Dump!

I take a lot of photos on my phone. I've decided to occasionally (maybe every week or two) share said photos. They will most likely be very random in order. Here are a few from the last week-ish.

Landon doesn't mind Rubbermaid tubs as a stand in for a fancy water table. Matter of fact, he doesn't even know the difference!

"I love to share with Daddy"

{Photo taken at our hotel over the weekend}

Reading the menu for room service. We decided against the 19% gratuity and $2.00 delivery fee and went to IHOP instead.

This was on display in one of the windows at Crown Center. It's made from patterns. Pretty intricate and neat!

Aaahhhh....old books. 

Who doesn't love a clean kid?!

Landon brought me this flower and said, "I got this for you Mommy. It's for your ear." Then he very gently tucked it behind my ear. So sweet!

Smiles!

Motherhood. It Ain't for Wussies!

Yes, I totally used the word "ain't" in my title. Sometimes it's necessary to break grammatical rules.

I think you all know by now, I truly love being a Mama. It's wonderful in so many ways. Except when it isn't.

This morning, it wasn't wonderful. It was the opposite of wonderful. It was hard. I lost my shit with my son all before 8:00 a.m. 

He is independent, head strong, stubborn and likes things HIS way. I am independent, head strong, stubborn and like things MY way. Yeah, recipe for disaster at times.

He threw a 45 minute fit, which stemmed from me telling him to pull up his undies on his own. He wanted me to help. I wanted him to do it on his own. Tug. Of. War. with no winners. 

He screamed, threw things at his bedroom door (because he was in time-out), pretended to be all calm so I would open the door then started acting like a complete maniac again as soon as he saw my face.

I know I often talk about soaking in all the moments with my child. I talk about how beautiful this parenting thing is. I talk about enjoying life together because I know he won't be little forever. I believe those things. I truly do. I also believe that you don't have to love every single moment of parenting. 

Sometimes, being a parent isn't fun. Sometimes, on mornings like this one, I actually cannot wait to get out the door for work, just for 15 minutes of solitude as I drive. You know what? It's OKAY! 

Before I left this morning, Landon actually got calmed down for real and we were able to sit together for about 5 minutes. We talked about his fit. We talked about using our words in a normal decibel instead of maniacal screaming, which Mommy cannot understand anyway. He apologized for his actions. I apologized for mine. Even when your kids are very young, it's important to admit to them when you're wrong. They need to hear that "I'm sorry" just as much as you do. We said "I love you" and had many hugs and kisses before I walked out the door. As I drove to work, in solitude, I reflected on how the morning went down and what I can do next time (because you all know there will be a next time!) to possibly lessen the fit. I thought about how I could react differently and give him different, better choices. I thought about how I can continually nurture his independent, strong will, because as much as it drives me batty now, it will serve him well in life. He is my Mini ME and I need to remember that when we have these challenging moments. What would work for me?

Most of the time, Landon is sweet and fun. He is a very good, loving, happy boy. He is resilient and has endured more than most kids his age. He amazes me daily.

Motherhood. It's crazy hard at times. It's okay if you don't enjoy it 100% of the time. Nobody else does either, even if they say they do.

Here's a quote I love:

     "Of all the rights of women, the greatest is to be a mother" ~Lin Yutang

I am absolutely grateful for the opportunity to be a Mother. Some days are just more difficult than others.