Realizations sometimes bring sadness

I'm sad. I'm crying as I type this. I always try to see the glass half full and stay positive most of the time but tonight I'm just sad. I'm going to allow myself to sit with the feeling in order to process through it. I think most of my sadness is coming from two things. Number one, I can no longer breast feed my sweet boy. I know, he'll be fine, we've bonded, he can get his nutrition other ways...blah, blah, blah. I've never felt this kind of sadness, disappointment, failure...there are so many emotions. When I found out I was pregnant there were two things I wanted more than anything. One was to have a natural, un-medicated birth and the other was to nurse my baby until he was at least a year old. I didn't get to do either one of those things and that just sucks. I am thankful I was able to nurse Landon for the first 3 months, even if he got minimal milk from me. I know I gave him a good start and now all I can do is make the best decisions for his nutrition from now on. I am glad we got those 3 months together. It doesn't make my sadness any less right now though. The other reason I'm sad is because tomorrow I will leave my baby at home with a sitter. Although he spent last Thursday with my niece Abi, this will be the first official time I go to work knowing he's at home with a sitter. I thought, "I'll be fine. He'll be in good hands and at home in his own environment." I was wrong. Tonight as I sang his special song and rocked him to sleep I cried. I didn't want to put him in his crib. I just wanted to keep him in my arms. The logical side of me says, "Don't be silly, it's just for the day." But my heart and emotional side says, "You're going to be away from him for an entire day." I know he will be well taken care of. I just feel sad. I never expected this to be so hard. I want to go in to his room right now, pick him up and hold him. But that's selfish. I know I should let him be and get his rest. I am saying prayers right now that God will bring me strength. I ask that you all include me in your prayers as well. I know I'll be alright. After all, I will wake up to a darling baby boy. And even if I do have to leave him for the day, I'll get to come home to his amazing smile. Thank you God for my many blessings.

Daddy showing Landon the moves

Smiley boy!

These are the FIRST pictures where I've captured Landon when he was smiling for real. These were taken on his 2 month birthday. I was getting ready to get him out of his swing and when I started talking to him he responded with big grins. I quickly grabbed the camera and this is what I caught. Also, here's his 1 and 2 month pictures with his bear. I think you'll know which is which by how much he's grown and changed!!

2 month check up

We had Landon's 2 month check up with our pediatrician last Friday. He weighed in at 11 pounds 13 ounces (54th percentile) and is 21 and 3/4 inches long (11th percentile!). His head circumference is now 15 and 3/4 inches (51st percentile). So, as you can see, he's a shorty just like his Momma. I just hope and pray that he has his Daddy's stature as he grows up. :-) Dr. Harrington said he is VERY healthy. He showed off for her when she put him on his tummy by holding his head high and pushing up with his arms and upper body. I wish I would have gotten a picture of that! We did find out Dr. Harrington is from Boston, which Scott found really cool. :-) We were talking about television not being good for babies and she was telling us the reasons why. She and Scott agreed that the only time T.V. is ok for Landon right now is if the Red Sox are on. She's GREAT and we're very thankful to our friends Dana and Bobbi for the referral! Here are a few photo's from our time at the doctor.

Bathtime

Landon out grew his "bath hammock" and is now just in the baby tub. He actually started to enjoy bathtime last week. We were able to get through the bath, lotioning and massage without any fussing! That was kind of a big deal. ;-) Here are a few of my favorite bath pictures....so far.

Father's Day

Here are a few pictures from Scott's first Father's day. I did my best to make his day special and I think he enjoyed it. We celebrated with his dad Saturday then had brunch with my Dad, Shannon and the twins Sunday morning. There was a lot of relaxing later in the day too!

Playdate with cousin Colby

We were so thrilled last weekend to have Angie (Scott's sis) and our new nephew, Colby, in town. Landon loved meeting his cousin and we got some pretty cute pictures of them together. The matching outfits were compliments of Nana. Thanks Nana! :-) It was so much fun to see the boys together and I just know they will be good friends through the years. It was also really nice for me to have a good visit with Angie talking about all kinds of baby stuff. It's wonderful to talk to other mom's who are going through the same thing, at the same time as I am. It was really special for me to bond with Angie through our babies. I've always felt blessed to have such a wonderful family and after marrying Scott I am definitely double blessed! I truly have the best in-laws!