Vulnerable.

Vulnerable.  That is the best way to describe how I feel right now.  I am being forced to completely open myself up, to this process, to what the doctors say is best, to allowing others in to help.  It's incredibly hard for me.  I am frustrated.  I want to go home.  I want Landon to be healthy.  I want to take his place do he doesn't have to endure this anymore.  I want to cry.  I am crying.  Everyone keeps telling me how strong I am and all I feel at this moment is sad and weak.  I feel totally helpless.  I just want to fix this.  Maybe if it wasn't Christmas I would feel better.  I doubt it though.  This just totally and completely sucks. 

Landon's hemoglobin is down to 7 today.  He will receive a transfusion within the next couple of hours.  I hope this helps his spirits.  He seems tired and a bit cranky today.  I am seriously irritable.  I know he's getting tired of this place.  We talked with our doctors and they gave us the ok to take him outside for a little bit.  I hope the sunshine, blue sky and fresh air helps give him a little boost.  I know it will be good for me.